Finally

There's no pride
I have nothing to hide..
Here I am, 
bare..
And I will never be the same.
But it's beautiful..
Love didn't ruin me.
It gave me wings..
Floating,
Fluttering,
Diving,
In the midst of my mistakes..
While no one can recall of what it takes..
Or what I've seen.
Yet I'm gazing  into perfection .
Accepting this reflection
With better senses..
Recollections.
There lys a deeper message.
....There lys me.
After twisting and turning...
Stomach uneasy.
And Queasy by my thoughts and 
Wishes...
Wanting poison painted 
Divine.
My chest finally bounces
Back .
Breathing.
Aching openings finally
Closed.
Soul...healing.
Feeling sad reminders but nothing relapses.
And what happened then...
I'm past this.
Now this curvature formed by my lips reveals a merciful nature..
I know this..
I'm Happy.


copyright @ BriannaNechelle

Surviving

What is pride?

For I am a woman,

Yet my body seems to be unquestionably just flesh

And control seems to ever so quickly slip from my hands

My decisions lack decisiveness

What can I give?

What can I change?

I’ve slept in my own shame…

I have even fell in love with it.

Staring at something I desire to hate

But feel compelled and drawn too…

What is left of me?

I’ve never hated love so much

Because I was endowed by God to be its reflection

Yet the one I chose….

Smashed the mirror.

And I lay there like pieces on the floor to gather

Everything dispersed…

And replace all that was lost and taken.

Am I not to feel?

I lacked the logic to keep my heart closed

And my words empty and plain…

This is my karma.

Yet I choose not to blame a soul…

I believe this treatment was not endowed to me

However, there is nothing but acceptance

Left.

My reality is to heal

 And only dream to forget…

God help me.

I have survived.

And this is my pride. 

@BriannaNechelle

Life

It’s not always about what you deserve. We have no power over what is entitled to us. Possibly victims of fate or destined conquerors, these opportunities are spared to us. A chance or lucky occurrence defies the ability to trust. Do I really have a say anyway? Walking in no direction, and living in the “now”; this is considered living while at times it seems like we are free…falling.

There are no expectations.

Certain decisions do not result in outcomes that seemed almost promising to us…

Then at night, the time allotted to continue this cycle, we rest our heads knowing..

This is life.

copyrighted@briannanechelle

Remembering 9-14-11

I sit and reflect.

It’s the SAME TIME

And IT’S THE SAME RAIN.

But there’s no strain,

But mourning, and a chance in the morning.

A chance that was taken this time ago…

Feelings of ambivalence, remembrance and appreciation intertwine with vivid memory…

I recall unknowingly knowing that upon this day I shall never be the same.

I recall on this day, the urgency to run to my defeat to see what waits for me.

In search for a confidant,

In search for love..

In search for understanding of what I had lost

through the fog of my membrane’s windows…with smug in the bags of them.

But on this day,

today..

I have CHANGE

I do not feel the SAME PAIN

I remember the loss and I see what I have gained.

Looking back only intensifies

The meanings behind those cries,

And the“whys” I couldn’t seem to answer...

Because then,

 I could not imagine what today could be.

...Or what was planned, or suppose to be…

But I Am HERE.

In the middle of a storm

But yet... everything is so clear to me.


my work is copyrighted @BriannaNechelle

"If I could take it back...If I could change something..."

I hate feeling like this.

I hate roaming around with a heavy heart.

I hate feeling as if I could have done something, but I didn't.

And now..

I am left to accept what I can not change... 

It's not easy to pretend you are accustomed to numbness. 

And to worsen the extent of regret, the decision you wish you could change was not yours.

How do you live with that?

What is the solution?

Here is where a loved says, "learn from it. It will be okay."

However, my comfort does not lie within a phrase.

 I want freedom, not a temporary fix.

I want peace.

I want closure.

I want that empty aching nostalgia to linger no more..

A solution should not leave you feeling this way. 

Consequently, I have learned

 to never make another decision that is not mine. 

Let no one sway your actions if you are not in total agreement.

Because if you made a mistake based on what you believe, you can learn and experience the after math accordingly.

But if not,

You could possibly learn a lesson that was not intended to be yours...

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@BriannaNechelle

"Dont Preach to Me."

How does that sound? Does that phrase sound stubborn and close-minded?

Allow me to elaborate.

Sociologists have done many studies proving that one's behavior can be dictated by society through socialization amongst peers, family, media etc. With this being said, I am concerned with the message;   moreover, I am interested with how the message is perceived and intended. When one is given the freedom of choice, there is a sense of liberation yet vulnerability made with making decisions and accepting the outcomes. When one is forced to make a decision without explanation, one can be subject to naivety and lack in experience. In my opinion, force is a product of fear and control. It parallels a list  of "dont's, cant's, wont's and shall not's." To an extent, this list is necessary for societal function. On the other hand, it also exposes limitations. When one over-looks your opinion and desires to simply tell you what you shouldn't do, it is referred to as "preaching" in a negative connotation within urban slang. This is not meant in a matter of blasphemy of ones beliefs. I feel as if their should not be many "preachers" in society. The ability to preach is a gift of wisdom and guidance. When in the hands of the wrong person, it can cause corruption, rebellion and negative influence.

If one is to preach to me, I rather it be in the form of advice and guidance using sincere gestures emphasizing love and protection. 

Don't force me to believe what you believe.

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@BriannaNechelle 

 To Introduce myself,

I am Brianna Woods.

My link to my blog states "Contradictory and Profound," because that, indeed, is what I believe most of us are. Here I state my derivatives of thought, not what is said. Where our thoughts come from stem who we really are. In our hearts lies desire and a sense of innocence before they are tampered with thoughts. This sounds crazy; moreover, it sounds impossible to filter between influence of society and original ideas & emotion. But, to believe something is impossible is a thought I will not accept. I am human. I have made mistakes. I have made false assumptions. I have judged. But now, my biggest challenge is to focus on myself more than anyone else. In society, it has become a habit to continuously compare ourselves to one another. To me, this is a habit of destruction and insecurity. We are all different. Our goals, aspirations, beliefs, and opinions were meant to vary. Embracing this mindset will allow open-mindedness and growth. With this blog, I will record my own therapy.

 I am not afraid to show that I am Contradictory and yet...

Profound.







my work is copyrighted
@BriannaNechelle